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Dramatis Personae: Place: SCENE ONE: GABE Can we fix it, Skipper? SKIPPER It’s a miracle we made it to the beach. GABE What can we do? SKIPPER Wait for a ship to pass. GABE And how long will that take? SKIPPER We need to salvage what we can from the ship and build a shelter. GABE How long? SKIPPER Maybe ten years. GABE Daaaaaaaaah! SCENE TWO: GABE What did we get? SKIPPER Trashbags, a bit of rope (SKIPPER takes out a very small, thin, length of rope) and 80 cans of sardines. GABE Ahh, sardines. SKIPPER We’re very lucky. GABE You live in a boat and you buy canned fish? SKIPPER I like sardines. GABE Ha, YUCK! I hate them. I even hate the word. "Sardines." Ew! Did you find anything else? SKIPPER Like what? GABE How ‘bout a radio? SKIPPER It’s broken. GABE Any good news? SKIPPER Aha, yes, YES! We have Monopoly. GABE Dah! SCENE THREE: (SKIPPER is off stage. GABE looks up a tree at him.) GABE What do you see? SKIPPER Water. GABE Nothing else? SKIPPER It’s really pretty. You should come up and see it. GABE I’m hungry. SKIPPER Me too. Sardines? GABE Daaha! SCENE FOUR: (GABE and SKIPPER sit down next to each other. Long awkward silence.) SKIPPER You know the cool thing about Monopoly? GABE What? SKIPPER It lasts a long time. You can play for hours and hours; the time just flies by. GABE Our house used to play it when I was a kid. SKIPPER Mine too. You want to play? GABE Sure. SKIPPER Great. Uh. . . oh. Ah . . . GABE What? What? What? Missing pieces? SKIPPER It’s Scrabble. GABE Dah! SCENE FIVE: GABE "Cravat?" SKIPPER Yeah. GABE What kinda word is that? SKIPPER A word. GABE How come I never heard it before? SKIPPER Nobody knows all the words. GABE What does it mean? SKIPPER "Cravat?" Tie. GABE It’s suspect. SKIPPER It’s just old. GABE Uhuh! SKIPPER It’s still a word. GABE Prove it. SKIPPER How? GABE Look it up. SKIPPER Fine. On what? GABE Ok, "cravat" but you owe me one. My turn. Ha! What do you think of that? SKIPPER What?! GABE What?! SKIPPER That’s not a word. GABE Sure it is. SKIPPER "Poohoven?" GABE Yeah, sure. SKIPPER What does it mean? GABE What, "Poohoven?" It’s from Latin words. Literally, it means "to step in shit." It means you’re screwed. SKIPPER Ok. GABE Double points! SKIPPER Dah! SCENE SIX: SKIPPER "A", "G", "U", "S"- Haggis. GABE Haggis? SKIPPER Sure. GABE Where do you get these words? SKIPPER Scotland. GABE You’re pushing it. SKIPPER Never mind, then. I’ll— GABE Wait a minute! It’s ok; I’ll allow it. SKIPPER "Esop?" What’s that? GABE Wait. SKIPPER It’s funny how every word you put down gets rid of all your letters. GABE Look. SKIPPER "Esop—haggis?" There’s no way— GABE It’s "Esophagus." SKIPPER Oh . . .yeah. GABE That’s a word isn’t it? Triple points. SKIPPER Dah! SCENE SEVEN: (Some time has passed. Their hair and beards are long and their clothes are unkempt. GABE looks cautiously over the board.) GABE Ehraaaahlseh—t. SKIPPER "Eralset?" GABE "Eralset." SKIPPER "Eralset." Sveek "eralset"? GABE Sveek "Eralset"? "Eralset" eri . . ."Stranded." SKIPPER "Stranded?" (GABE walks around the space and indicating the sea surrounding them.) GABE "Eralset." SKIPPER "Eralset." You’re das good at this game. I can’t, I can’t tondush. GABE "Tondush", "Tondush?" ah "Win." Nem, nem, nem, you can. SKIPPER I have Ipkis. GABE Ipkis? Nem! Lemme see. "O","O", "G", "W", "N." hhmmmmm. Ah! Ogle! G-ohhhhh-wahhn- "Gowan." Ha! SKIPPER Gowan!" Ooooh! (Slaps his forehead.) "Gowan." "Gowan." Ha! Sveek "Gowan?" GABE "Gowan?" Hmm. "Gowan" eri…"Help." If you’re ever in Shpivi you shout "Gowan!" and someone comes. SKIPPER Oh yeah, eri "Help." GABE Yeah, "Help!" (SKIPPER playfully enacts a scene where he is drowning.) SKIPPER "Gowan!" Gowan! GABE Gowan? (GABE enacts saving SKIPPER. GABE acts as if he is hanging from a cliff.) GOWAN! GOWAN! SKIPPER Hmmm? GABE Gowan SKIPPER Ah?
(SKIPPER acts as if he is
pulling him up. After a GABE Wha? (SKIPPER points to his throat.) GOWON? (SKIPPER nods and GABE gets behind him acting like he’s giving him the Heimlich Maneuver. They jump up and down celebrating, shouting out their new word.) SCENE EIGHT: (SKIPPER and GABE are older and stiffening. They wear trash-bag smocks instead of normal clothes. GABE hums and la di dahs a happy song. SKIPPER mimes changing the station, making static sounds and starts to dum di dum a sad one. GABE turns off the imaginary radio and looks at SKIPPER.) GABE Sveek sa matter? SKIPPER Ipkis. (SKIPPER turns the radio back on and continues his maudlin song. GABE turns it off.) GABE Nem, nem, neri ipkis. SKIPPER Eri…don. (SKIPPER crosses to the radio and GABE stops him.) GABE Don? SKIPPER Don, Don. Don er— (pointing between them) "us" GABE Aaah, "don." Svik sa matter mit don? Don ok. SKIPPER Na Tweri nem ok. GABE Tweri ok SKIPPER Nah, tweri nem. GABE Vat? SKIPPER Tweri eralset. GABE Ah. (GABE turns the radio back on and they| both hum the maudlin tune.) SCENE NINE: (GABE and SKIPPER are older still and becoming frail. The sound of a helicopter in the distance.) SKIPPER Ogle! GABE Ogle Ha? (SKIPPER pointing out.) SKIPPER Ha! Ha! Eri na Helicopter. GABE Helicopter? Ha! HA! NA Helicopter! VOICE Do you guys need help? GABE Help? SKIPPER Gowon. GOWON! GABE/SKIPPER GOWON! GOWON!!! SKIPPER Gowon, please. VOICE Are you sure? GABE Don tweri. Don tweri eralset. GABE /SKIPPER Don tweri eralset! Don tweri eralset! VOICE You’re all set? Ok. GABE/SKIPPER Gowon! Gowon! GABE PLEASE GOWON! (The sound of a helicopter departing.) SKIPPER Gowon….go— (long pause) Gabe? GABE Vat? SKIPPER Tweri Poohoven. GABE Yeah. Scrabble? (SKIPPER looks at GABE. Long Pause. ) SKIPPER Ok.
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